You think you know your parents' childhood. You know three stories, told the same way.
A good question opens a door to a fourth.
Here are 30, grouped so you can pick a theme for one short conversation. Start with the easy ones.
How to ask
- Ask one question at a time. Then wait.
- Say "tell me more" more than you say anything else.
- Do not correct their memory. If a detail is wrong, the feeling is still true.
- Record it, with their permission. You will not remember it word for word.
- If a question touches something painful, let them choose to skip it.
Home and family
- Where were you born, and who was in the house?
- What do you remember about the street you grew up on?
- What was your bedroom like? Did you share it?
- Who cooked, and what was the meal you looked forward to?
- What did your parents do for work, and how did that shape your days?
Earliest memories
- What is the first thing you remember?
- What did your house smell like?
- Who made you feel safe when you were small?
- What did you believe as a child that turned out not to be true?
School and growing up
- What was your first day at school like?
- Which teacher do you still remember, and why?
- What were you good at, and what did you hate?
- Who was your best friend, and what happened to them?
- What did you do on a Saturday?
- What was your first job, and what did you spend the money on?
Play, food and small things
- What games did you play, and with whom?
- What was a treat when you were young?
- What did you wear that you hated?
- What songs or programmes did everybody know?
The bigger world
- What was happening in the world that you remember noticing?
- What was different then that young people would find hard to believe?
- What do you wish had stayed the same?
Harder ground (only if they want to go there)
- What was a hard time in your family, and how did you get through it?
- Was there anything you were not allowed to talk about?
- Is there something you have never been asked?
Looking back
- Who shaped you most, and what did they teach you?
- What are you proud of from those early years?
- What would you tell your younger self?
- What do you want us to remember about where we come from?
- If I could only keep one story, which should it be?
What to do with the answers
You now have an hour of someone's life in their own voice. Look after it.
- Save the recording in two places on the day.
- Write down the names and places while you remember them.
- Share a favourite clip with the family, with their permission.
- Come back in a month and ask the follow-ups. The second conversation is always better.
If you would rather have a guided structure, our interview follows 14 chapters, from "Where You Came From" and "Earliest Memories" through "School Days", "Love and Partnership" and "Hard Times" to "Messages to the Future". The storyteller answers in their own time, and you both approve every chapter before anything is printed.
For a step-by-step on recording, read How to Record Family Memories Before They Fade. For how our guided interview works, see the FAQ.
There are so many things I wish I had asked about my mum's childhood, and about her whole family before my sister and I came along. There are so many stories to be told, but we never think to ask, sadly until it is often too late.
Which question will you ask first?
Prefer to have the questions asked for you? See how the guided interview works, or choose your edition.